I'm now recovered from my party haha!
Hope you liked the photos, if you havent seen it, tmail me if you want to!

I'm currently on the other side of Melbourne, babysitting/housesitting for my aunt, who's in Gold Coast (Queensland) at the moment, sorting out a family situation up there. So here i am, looking after the cosy 3 bedroomed house, with a pool/spa in the backyard. Looking after my cousin who's 14, a cat named Amber (i dont know what type of cat she is, but she's gorgeous...), and a maltese terrier who seems to be dumb for her own good, named Peaches.
Been here since thursday, and will be here for another 3 weeks. Been terrific so far, its so good being a 10 mins tram ride away from the city. Considering i've got heaps events on in the city for the next 3 weeks! :D

I've been reading some people's blogs recently.
One in specific, made me think, of what i've overcome in the last couple months. Specifically-the whole situation with J and JB. I'm not saying i'm totally healed, or i'm done with grieving. But, as i've told J the other day, I'm letting go, even though i'm still hurting (I guess i did really love him, cuz i've never been this hurt this long in the past). And i hate the fact that she brings his name up in conversations, but at the same time, i would find it strange if she didnt.
(OMG! the dog farted, and it stinks!!!)
But anyways, a couple people have said to me recently that i've become a stronger person because of it, but at the same time i've distanced myself from people. I see where they come from, i'm quite satisfied going out once or twice a week, and staying home all week, not seeing anyone else apart from family. But when i do go out, i usually make the most of it, getting drunk, and crawling home when the sun comes up (not literally but you know what i mean). Maybe thats not a good thing, but i'm feeling fine doing that. And i find myself not telling people everything thats going on, or what i'm thinking. Maybe cuz i relied on J so much, and then this happened, i feel like i cant do that anymore cuz i'll only end up getting hurt again.

I'm "sorta" seeing someone.. Apparently he liked me since a camp in April/May... How do i explain our relationship/friendship?! We are friends, but always flirted on each other. About 2 or 3 months ago (before the whole J and JB thing happened) he asked me weird questions, and i answered with weird answers. I think a few readers know which questions i'm referring to :D
Since then, he's been acting weird, and weirder! He asked me out a month ago, but i didnt have time and was broke. He gave me a book for my 21st, but apparently he came close to buying me a locket (necklace) which a couple of his friends advised him to get me. But he thought i'd get the wrong idea (which woulda been right!). We finally went out for coffee on Fri, and have agreed to do more of those 'dates' before anything happens. We've been messaging each other nearly every night since...

I'm not sure how i feel about him, he's good looking, has a great sense of humour. He makes me smile, laugh... And he's already sneaking into my thoughts. I'm not too sure if thats a good thing! After all i'm always got those thoughts running through my head, and they're going too fast for me to write/type them down sometimes.

Damn, there goes my mind again... Going too fast for me to type coherent sentences now... LOL!

Currently writing, and editing a LONG post regarding my 21st.

It was VERY memorable for sure!

HUGS!

OKAY...

So lets party people, I'm turning 21 tomorrow!!
6 days til the party..
111 people are coming so far, with 7 unconfirmed..

Wasnt gonna do a colour theme, til Friday, when Mum bought me a dress to wear, which is hot pink.. so the party is now metallic coloured (silver, blue, purple, pink, black)..

Helium balloons have been ordered,
Photoboard have been set up, only needs photos pasted on...

Snacks bought...
Cake needs to be picked up..

Camera batteries needs to be recharged..

Bedroom needs to be totally cleaned, since i'm having some of the guests sleeping over.

Will post a website with all the photos after the party...

I had a great weekend!
Getting drunk, and kissing ppl haha!

Friday: Met up with L, for a drink and dinner.. but we ended up going to 2 different pubs before going to the monthly watering hole-Transport bar.. I drank 3 of those huge bottles of beer.. (this was between drinks!) And being all over the place talking to everyone i knew.
After that, ended up at a 24 hour pub, then headed to this friend's place.. I basically complained that i wanted more alcohol, since everyone was doing their own thing (drugs)... And one of the boys gave me his alcoholic drinks.. so i was happy after that.. I kissed a girlfriend, dunno how, but we werent doin it for the boys attention, even though they were whooping and stuff lol!
I passed out around 6.30 only to be woekn up about an hour or so later, so they could drive me home.. I got home around 9am.. Very fucked.. and had mum yellin at me that she was worried about me etc etc..

Later that day (Saturday): After only about 4 hours sleep, i woke up bleary eyed, went online and chatted with everyone.. Then a friend said he was picking me up at 7pm, to go to this function thing held by this dating website we're on..
I jumped in the shower, and took a while deciding what to wear, since it was my first function i've gone to. Wore this pink babydoll and black pants.. I looked hot! :D
A picked me up from the bottle shop near my place, since i badly needed a hair of the dog, and a couple others to drink on the way there. We, then, went to this other chick's place to swap cars, since A's car was a loaner from the insurance company and it was shithouse..
Arrived at the Beach nightclub (where the function was at).. paid, and picked up my nametag.. When walking in the main room, I had heaps ppl going "UNIQUELAUGHTER!" (thats my nickname on the site) and hugging me.. While i'm like.. "hang on" and looking at their name badge then going "OH MY GOD, its you!" blah blah.. they all were hearing.. but really friendly, trying to speak slowly and clearly for me, if i ddint understand they wrote it down (i brought paper n pen.. and sometimes used my mobile).. I felt right at home..
There wa sa deaf girl who were a member of the site as well, i didnt know her and met her for the first time that night.. I was actually embarrassed being seen with her, she was downright rude.. I just ddint like it.. I mean i've been a member of the site for 2 years, and i get along well with those ppl, they dont deserve to have someone ignoring them, or giving them dirty looks just cuz she didnt understand them..
I had a few drinks, so i was feeling.. tipsy and alright.. then i got dragged onto the podium, by this guy and we dirty-danced.. :D
I danced with a couple others on the dancefloor, and got a couple smooches through them.. i had to quit when i could feel myself sweating, and my wig was a bit loose.. I sat down on this comfortable couch talking to this friend, when i had the guy who pulled me up on the podium.. giving me a lap dance.. i was giggling all through.. then he grabbed me into a kiss, i didnt have time to defend myself, and it was nice.. lol!
After that, whenever the guy and i were in close proximity he'd grab me and kiss me.. He even took off my nametag, and gave me his.. "ddbbwarrior" was his nickname.. I wasnt sure what it meant, i asked someone later on, they said it wasnt common practice, but could mean that he liked me and wanted to keep in touch..
We left the club at around 3am, giving another guy a lift home..
Got home around 4.30am, very hungry since the last time i ate was Friday lunchtime!! LOL...

Sunday: just lazed around with a 'double' hangover.. I swear, i'll never do that ever again lol...
I went on the website, to catch up with everyone.. and also to check out "ddbbwarrior" profile.. i practically screamed when i found out he was 42!!! He sure doesnt look it!
He hasnt tried to contact me, and i think i'd like to keep it that way, cuz i dont know what i would have said.. lol.. I mean, he's old enuff to be my dad!!!! LOL!

That was my wkend ;)

Edited: When talking to L on fri night, about stuff, since we havent been able to grab each other alone.. we sorted out stuff and things are great between us.. She's even asked if she can make a small speech at my 21st, i told her if she really wanted to, she could. And at Treansport, J was there with JB.. JB and iw ere getting along really good teasing each other and stuff. J said she tried to talk to me a couple times but it seemed i was ignoring her. I said i wasnt.. but anyways i told her that I ddint want her to make a speech for my 21st anymore. She said she was gonna tell me she didnt want to anymore but i beat her to it. I'm SO over being angry at her, I'm so OVER hearing stuff about her! She's stil coming to my 21st as far as i know.. i didnt have the heart to tell her she was 'uninvited'.. since JB's invited.. Thats all for now..

Well, i went to see the doc yesterday. Explained about going to the hospital and stuff. He didnt come up with an explanation. Got prescribed a higher dose of the Pill, i gotta see him in a couple months to see how thats going. Its so weird, i normally bleed for 3-5 days regularly when i get my period, but this month it came a week early, and i wasnt bleeding, just spotting and clotting. It stopped after a couple days, but cuz i'm so used to my body (it used to do this before i went on the pill) i stil kept a pad on, and it wa sa good thing, i started spotting again today!

The doc also gave me a form to go for a thyroid scan, since its enlarged, and ppl have been noticing it, and it could be related to my health problems, as well as a couple blood tests. Which i'm not looking forward to, since i absolutely HATE needles with a passion.

I worked today, it was a good day, since i got to shop at the same time lol, i couldnt resist. After the shopping spree a couple weeks ago, you would think i'd be satisfied with what i got. Nah! Haha! I swapped a couple price tags on a couple tops-so i bought it for a reduced price. My bad! Lol!

I walked in this cafe while doing the rounds, it was a real unique cafe. I straight away thought of J, and how she'd love this place. I messaged her and told her so, and said that despite what she may think, i do love and miss her heaps. At the same time i'm feeling so much better (meaning not seeing/talking to her for the last 2 wks). She replied with "I dont think anything. I think of you all the time, and hope ur happy now. xoxox" and for some reason her reply made me close to tears, and feel guilty. I dont know.. Then i talked to K earlier tonight, she has access to J's blog-she's the only person who does. Apparently J wrote a letter to K there, and it included some things that wasnt fair. Accused K of betraying her confidence, when K's the of the best secret keepers i know, and she'll never tell, even if she's fighting with them.
The thing that really got me fired up was when she said "...I really valued your opinions and your friendship, even with all of its ups and downs, I still cared and valued you two with everything I had..." Did she really? She didnt even think of me when she decided to progress her relationship with JB further.
I'm so angry about this at the moment, its funny because i was talking to my mum yesterday about stuff in general. I found myself telling her that i dont think about JB that often anymore. I still think about J, but i dont associate her with JB, its more of like i'm angry and hurt because of what J did. Because to be honest, JB didnt do anything, only being true to himself.
Maybe i'm a bitch when i say this: but J always makes herself out as the victim, and makes me feel bad for acting or saying whatever i have/did. But then again, EVERYTHING always has been about her anyway!
*shakes head* and to think, i was gonna try and patch things up with her tomorrow night. What a big joke!

*takes a deep breath, and goes looking for a spare cigarette since i 'quit' on Monday*

Well, it was an interesting weekend.

Friday & Saturday i ddint do much, just chilled around watching dvd's.
Saturday night my parents had some of their friends come over, and they were surprised that me and my brother wasnt out partying lol. Caught up with them. they gave me a big talking to about my tattoo, even bigger than my parents' haha. I said "its over and done with, there's nothing you can do about it!"

After they left, i came down with bad cramps, i thought it was just my period, its normal to have bad crampings, but by 6am, i was crying and waking mum up for strong er painkillers, she told me where they were. I took a couple and dozed for a bit, but the cramps got worse, spreading to my chest and back. I couldnt walk and it was difficult to breath, i threw up. Woke mum up telling her i thought it was my appendix.
She, then, drove me to the hospital. But on the drive there, i was okay-the pain went away, and i was breathing normally. My back was stil hurting though. Luckily there wasnt too much people in the emergency department, so i got to see a doctor shortly after arriving. The doctor asked me lots of questions, relating to periods, etc etc. He checked me out, said it definitely wasnt my appendix *insert sigh of relief here* but thought it was my ovaries since it hurt when he touched them.
*insert a look of panic here* He told me to see my regular GP, to have a full check up, since he wasnt too sure.
On the way home, mum said it reminded her of herself. She had terrible cramps when she was my age, and having kids helped. And a co-worker of hers is currently going thru the same thing and her doc told her to have kids now-cuz it probably will help. I was nearly in tears when saying this: "Mummy, i dont want to have kids, but i dont want the choice being taken away from me" (i was speaking of having kids now/having a hystercomy)

Came home, went to bed, and slept til dinner. Wacthed a movie, then went back to bed, went to work today. Couldnt make an appointment to see my doc, since the phone line was fucked up, and so was my computer. (dont be surprised if i dont post for a while)

I'm seeing my doc tomorrow, and to be honest, i'm scared as hell!

Leave me some love...